We get mail: Mocking the Engineers

We've cleaned out our in box and found some interesting chuckles at the expense of those that chose engineering as the path to follow.

Understanding Engineers: One

Two engineering students, one pushing a bike, were walking across a
university campus when the other said, "Where did you get such a
great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,
minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,
threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what
you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the
clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."


Understanding Engineers: Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass
is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it
needs to be.


Understanding Engineers: Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been
waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept
golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word
with him." He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group
ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

he greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so
we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad.
I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"


Understanding Engineers: Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.


Understanding Engineers: Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"



Understanding Engineers: Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must
have designed the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil
engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a
recreational area?"


Understanding Engineers: Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet.



Understanding Engineers: Eight

An engineer was crossing the road one day, when a frog called out to
him and said, "If you kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful
princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said "If you kiss me I'll turn back into
a beautiful princess and stay with you for a week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me
I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for a week
and do ANYTHING you want me to." Again the engineer took the frog out
of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.

Finally the frog asked, "What's the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for a week and do
ANYTHING you want me to. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"