We may hire you, but then we may have to kill you!

It’s one of the strangest Help Wanted advertisements I’ve ever seen.

It lists no actual name for the employer, no real detailed job description and no contact person with whom to drop off your resume. All in all, it’s a rather interesting help wanted blurb and just a little mysterious.

In Sunday’s Vancouver Province, right there on the bottom corner of page D57, was this little employment gem, in both official languages.

Surveillance in the Greater Vancouver area.

A Federal Government Department is currently seeking applications for a career in Surveillance in the Greater Vancouver area. The successful candidate will exemplify professionalism and be committed to team building, possess excellent communication and written skills, be detail-oriented and efficient.

A high level of iniative, motivation and discretion is required with the ability to work a flexible schedule. Previous work experience in surveillance and related fields are definite assets.

The ideal candidates will possess a minimum 2 year Community College diploma as well as a driver’s license and Canadian Citizenship. Qualified applicants should send their detailed Curriculum Vitae before February 4, 2006 to

PO Box #4857
Suite 1
200 Granville Street
Vancouver, BC
V6C 3N3

What government department might this be? CSIS? Immigration? Customs Canada? Border Security? Agriculture Canada? (someone has to watch those potentially mad cows)

We contemplate our options and find the possibilities are endless.

Prospective governmental watchers should be one part Austin Powers and one part Jack Bauer, if you can keep a secret and your eyes open, you may be their kind of person.

It could be the perfect job for those folks who like to keep tabs on their neighbours, you know the ones, the folks who peer through the curtains at any hour of the day keeping the neighbourhood watch, hell you will even get paid for it.

Be forewarned though anyone with a little brother probably should not apply, lets face it nobody wants to have you come to the office and say Big Brother is watching!

There is one final matter for consideration, if you are the successful candidate, you can’t tell anyone you’re working. And do remember this, you potential Mr. or Mrs. Phelps that if caught, the agency (whatever it may be) will disavow any knowledge of your existence.

This blog will self destruct in ten seconds!