Kill the Podunkian?

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Every day my podunkcan@yahoo.ca mailbox receives all varieties of correspondences, some helpful tips from fellow Podunkians on items that might be of interest to the collective, not to mention the many, many, opportunities to increase my wealth through a number of helpful correspondents mostly it seems located in Africa.

There's a wealth of Eastern European women apparently seeking a friend and of course there is no shortage of medications or natural remedies that might spur on love interests at any opportunity.

All in all enough mail, that if delivered by the local Canada Post carrier would guarantee employment for decades and increase the work force by hundreds we imagine.

Today however, we went into a whole new direction, an interesting approach to relieving my Podunkian bank account of the few dollars I may have left in these recession plagued times of Podunk.

The Assassin, has spoken and apparently I'm on the clock!

After a few preliminaries, we apparently get down to the heart of the correspondence, a warning of dire consequences if not followed to the letter...

From the email account:

How are you.

    Am very sorry for you my friend, is a pity that this is how your life is going to end as soon as you don't comply.As you can see there is no need of introducing myself to you because I don't have any business with you, my duty as I am mailing you now is just to KILL/ASSASSINATE you and I have to do it as I have already been paid for that.

    Someone you call a friend wants you Dead by all means, and the person have spent a lot of money on this, the person also came to us and told me that he want you dead and he provided us with your name ,picture and other necessary information's we needed about you. So I sent my boys to track you down and they have carried out the necessary investigation needed for the operation on you, and they have done that but I told them not to kill you that I will like to contact you and see if your life is Important to you or not since their findings shows that you are innocent.

    I called my client back and ask him of you email address which I didn't tell him what I wanted to do with it and he gave it to me and I am using it to contact you now. As I am writing to you now my men are monitoring you and they are telling me everything about you.
    Now do you want to LIVE OR DIE? As someone has paid us to kill you. Get back to me now if you are ready to pay some fees to spare your life, If you are not ready for my help, then I will carry on with my job straight-up.

    WARNING: DO NOT THINK OF CONTACTING THE POLICE OR EVEN TELL ANYONE BECAUSE I WILL KNOW. REMEMBER, SOMEONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL WANT YOU DEAD! I WILL EXTEND IT TO YOUR FAMILY, IN CASE I NOTICE SOMETHING FUNNY.

    DO NOT COME OUT ONCE IT IS 7:30PM UNTIL I MAKE OUT TIME TO SEE YOU AND GIVE YOU THE TAPE OF MY DISCUSSION WITH THE PERSON WHO WANT YOU DEAD AFTER YOU HAVE COMPLIED WITH MY DEMANDS, THEN YOU CAN USE IT TO TAKE ANY LEGAL ACTION.    GOOD LUCK AS I AWAIT YOUR REPLY



Needless to say, we're not exactly walking around turning our head every few seconds, nor are we jumping at every loud noise, or quiver with fear with every shadow that may cross the window.

We put this down to a less than lucid attempt at the ages old internet spam game, the equivalent of the once familiar telephone game of "I have a secret", or  the reverse of "I saw what you did and I know who you are".

While we imagine we've hit a nerve or two over the years of blogging, we for the most part have faith in the readership that all their cylinders (well, ok for some, most of their cylinders) are firing on all levels.

Though if we had to make up a list of potential suspects, wherever would we start.

Regardless, random spam delivered to a yahoo mailbox isn't exactly going to send us into the witness protection program.

We feel that our efforts are worth the occassional, oh wait, there's someone at the door...