Only in California!

It was a flashback to the days of the OJ dash for freedom, you click on the television set and there in breathless fashion the Fox reporters are following the progress of the Paris caravan.

Hilton the socialite pop culture queen, has been sent back to jail to serve the rest of her 45 day jail sentence. Released to home custody only a few short days ago, the roulette wheel of justice rolled again and this time Ms. Hilton's number didn't win big.

An anguished Paris cried out in court and as she was escorted to the police cars for the procession to jail, unleashing a media circus not seen in a long time, just another wild moment that only seems to happen in California it seems.

Needless to say, Hilton's return to jail has knocked most of the real news off the screen for the short term, an airport crisis in the east gets a mere thirty seconds, the stock markets yo yo like behaviour becomes but a throw away line and the removal of the Chairman and the Vice-chairman of the Joint chief of Staff hardly even makes the grade.

For now it seems, all the news is that is the news, is that of Paris.

As Don King might say, Only in America!

New jewellery piece for Miss Hilton.

With medical issues apparently the underlying factor, Paris Hilton's time of state incarceration has come to an end. The pop celebrity was released from jail today, only three days into her forty five day sentence.

Hilton who ran afoul of the law when she was driving on a suspended licence will not spend the rest of her sentence under house arrest, with a state issued ankle bracelet to be used to track her movements until her sentence is up.

Hilton will not allowed to leave her million dollar estate while she serves the remainder of her time, but we suspect her new arrangment is a tad more comfortable than the one she just left behind.

TMZ a celebrity watching website will no doubt task itself to ensure that Hilton doesn't wander away from her court imposed isolation.

Spend some time with Paris

You can share in the joy of incarceration, by helping Paris Hilton work on the stamping line.

The website GSN has made quick work of the celebrity inmate with a game to help her and you while away those 23 hours of solitary confinement..

Paris Hilton: The Prison Life

Number 9818783: The answer to a future trivia question

Paris Hilton is securely behind bars this week, the pop culture icon known for, hmmm, partying and home video exploits turned herself in over the weekend and is now a guest of the state of California for 23 days in total.

A quiet reflective period is ahead for Ms. Hilton, 23 hours a day in a solitary cell, one hour for exercise and entertainment. There was thought apparently given to having her share a cell, but one would be roomie didn't measure up as far as jail officials were concerned, so Hilton will bide her time alone for now.

For those that like to file away the minor details of celebrity life, the booking sheet released by the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department listed the first official reading of her weight, recording her as a 5ft 8in (1.72m) blonde with green eyes who weighs 8st 3lb (52kg). Her booking number was 9818783.

The TMZ website is remaining faithful to its coverage of everything Paris, with a complete review of the punishment phase of her run in with the law.

Ivana Trump sees the big picture!

Oy Vey, we're all in trouble if only Ivana Trump has figured out the recent feud between her former Donald and Rosie.

"Donald and Rosie, they're getting fantastic ratings, they're getting publicity, they're really using it as a marketing tool, not because they are enemies, and I understand that only too well."

Really, who would have thought of that!

The recruiting team

His most famous line from the Movie Jerry McGuire was “show me the money”, the mantra he kept repeating for the budding athlete Cuba Gooding Jr.

But perhaps Tom Cruise has expanded his fictional characters to real life, with word coming out in the American media that Cruise was instrumental in leading David Beckham to Los Angeles to play for the Galaxy of the MLS. We just have a vision of Becks screaming down the telephone to ole Tom that's he's showing him the money.

It seems that Tom and his wife Katie are close friends with the Beckhams, and Beckham is crediting a late night phone call with Cruise as the finishing touch in his decision to leave European football and become a pioneer in the lesser regarded North American version of the game.

This of course has now put the conspiracy buffs onto the trail, and they smell a recruiting drive for Mr. Cruise’s passion for Scientology, the New Ageish type religion that counts a number of high profile celebrities among its flock.

If the tabloid rumours are true, Mrs. Beckham, Victoria, is scheduled to appear in a soon to be produced Cruise produced picture based on an immortal spiritual being that Scientology believes is within all of us. The Thetan, will feature Victoria as an alien bride (a role that will be ripe for ridicule one assumes once it’s released). It’s a move that is expected to be but the first step in turning Mrs. Beckham into a Hollywood fixture.

Katie Holmes has as the story goes, adopted the former Spice Girl as her personal project, hoping to turn her into a movie star. While she’s taking care of those details, it’s reported in the British press that she’s also sharing the word about Scientology.

Judging by the recent behavior of Mr. Cruise regarding his belief
in Ron Hubbard’s religion and his intense devotion to its processes, one can see him finding a great sense of achievement should he deliver the Beckham’s to the word.

Nothing will come as a shock to observers of the Hollywood scene, though any conversion of the Beckham’s to a new way of thinking will certainly have an impact on the overall status of Scientology and will most likely bring many others into the Scientology orbit.

The mysterious group, tends to be rather secretive about its agenda and the role that celebrities play in its development. It’s a process that brings to mind another famous quote from Mr. Cruise’s vast library of film, and his quest for the truth rebutted by a brilliant Jack Nicholson.

“You can’t handle the truth,” which considering the subject matter and the suspicion of the masses about it pretty well sums things up nicely.

It’s understood they’ll have joint custody of the make up cabinet

Two people whose stage names are truly more exciting than their birth ones, have decided to call it a day when it comes to their holy union of marriage.

Marilyn Manson (Brian Warner) and Dita Von Teese (Heather Sweet) have decided that after but a year of marriage, that things aren’t what they should be and have decided to seek a divorce.

TMZ entertainment has all the paperwork on the split, which was apparently made on Christmas Eve just to make sure we get the message that things are truly over.

Manson, a one time shock rocker in the vein of Alice Cooper has since regressed to the shadows of the music world, providing occasional recordings that garner sporadic attention. Ms. Von Deet apparently has a thriving career in Burlesque, which would be impressive if anyone knew what burlesque was anymore.

With the big announcement now out of the way, we gather they can return to the shadows of the entertainment world, with little worry of bothering us again.

Irreconcilable differences was stated as the reason for the split, and no spousal support is being sought by the soon to be ex. Mrs. Manson.

This leads us to believe that perhaps the burlesque business is more flourishing than his rock career these days...

Aw, cmon' what did we do to deserve this?

Steven Segal has moved from movies to music, with his tunes now listed at the iTunes store.

Amazon.ca lists his 2005 release, Songs from the Crystal Cave, as having only three copies left in stock.

Surely he can give David Hasselhoff (actually it turns out that the Hoff has quite the collection!) and William Shatner a run for their money no?

But will she get a spot on Oprah’s book club?

St. Oprah is about to find her closets checked. Kitty Kelley, who has turned her steely gaze and acerbic word processor towards the highest of the mighty, is preparing for perhaps her most challenging subject yet, Oprah Winfrey.

Kelley who in the past has unearthed the unknown secrets (and closely guarded ones) of Frank Sinatra, Nancy Reagan, the Bush family, the Royal Family and many others, is in the process of compiling her notes, checking her rolodex and searching for snitches as she attempts to dig beneath the very public veneer of Oprah Inc.

As a testament to the power of the Oprah brand, Kelley apparently has had a wee bit of trouble selling her blue print to book publishers, many of them apparently worried about offending the mega media maven.

Crown books has reportedly dared to tempt the fates (note: to Crown’s roster of authors, Oprah book club appearances are hereby cancelled) most likely hoping to hit a home run with this one expose on the life and times, fables and foibles of America’s most popular talk mistress.

On every rise to power and glory there is a trail of little people with a grudge, one suspects that a good many of those left in the Oprah wake over the years are about to get their fifteen minutes of fame. As can be seen from the following blurb by The Book Standard: The yet-untitled Oprah biography will include interviews with “hundreds of sources, many of whom have never before spoken on the record” about Oprah, Crown said. No publication date has been set.

What remains to be seen is what kind of revenge Oprah may wreak upon the house of Kelley, who certainly has gotten under the skin of her subjects over the years.

Rip Torn's bad hair day (and a few other issues too!)

Rip Torn is the latest Hollywood celebrity to be featured in the bad hair, bad mug shot, club for men. Torn seen left, was arrested in Salem, New York under suspicion of driving while intoxicated, like many before him his mug shot is not something he may wish to include in his Christmas card letter this.

Stacked up against the likes of Glen Campbell, Nick Nolte and Mel Gibson, Torn certainly gets top marks for dishevelment. It's not the first time that Torn has found himself in a wee bit of trouble, the Smoking Gun website has his file in the archives, and it probably won't be long until the latest incident is featured on the main page.

CBS in New York has compiled a visual primer of those that have ended up on the wrong side of the mug shot camera lens.

TMZ has even compiled a best of Rip page, which features the last time that the actor was involved with the officers of the law, caught on video tape in the midst of a rather nasty rant.

With the likes of You Tube, Myspace, The Smoking Gun and TMZ, not to mention the millions of cam phones out there, bad behaviour quickly is not only made known but circulated world wide in a matter of nano seconds.

Ye shall be judged by the company that Ye shall keep

Score one for a gal that can bounce back from disappointment. Hot on the heels of the matrimonial explosion to Kevin Federline, Britney Spears is stepping out, and stepping out and for good measure stepping out some more.

Young Ms. Spears has landed in the orbit of Paris Hilton, which should guarantee her some serious tabloid picture time for the next little while.

Brit and Par hit Vegas over the Thanksgiving Day weekend, checking out the clubs, the casinos and such all part of gals nights out.

In fact one news report has it that Spears is thankful that Hilton has "taken her under her wing". Though we kind of wonder who's watching the kids while Ms. Spears rediscovers the party life.

Now I'm not much up on my role models, but considering the rather train wreckish state of her career and social life of late, I'm not sure that Hilton would be my first choice as the stabilizing force.

Hilton of course has her own troubles to deal with including a rather nasty love/hate relationship with Lindsay Lohan which keeps the tabloids and YouTubers busy scrambling for details on any rumour that comes along.

So lets see, Hilton, Spears, Lohan, now there's an alliance calling out for a fancy moniker.

Monsters and Critics served up a good one, The New York Post even better, perhaps you can do better for us in the comments.

So does everyone have to return the gifts?

Hot on the heels of Britney and Kevin's marital implosion, comes more bad news from celebrityland.

Yet another celebrity hitch up has become un hitched, Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock have ended their rather turbulent relationship. With on and off engagements, the couple finally tied the knot in late July in St. Tropez, France , then for good measure they had a wedding ceremony on August 3rd in California and another one in Nashville on August 17th.

We wonder if they have to file three sepereate divorce petitions as well?

Looking for the trailer in the trailer trash

So the other shoe has dropped in the Britney/K-Fed marital implosion.

Not to be outdone in the media spotlight by his petitioning soon to be ex-wife, Mr. Federline launched his own legal actions yesterday. Asking the courts for a) sole custody of the couples two children, b) spousal support from Mrs. Federline and c) have Mrs. Federline pick up the tab on any of Mr. Federline’s legal expenses.

It’s kind of like a trifecta of bitterness and the first indication that the celebrity divorce is going to be feeding the tabloids and television networks for weeks, months and mabye even years to come.

Yesterday’s breaking news of Brit’s pending bye bye program was the toast of the big daytime chat shows, from Regis and Kelly (Blame David Letterman) to The ladies of The View (the news that tops an election), the only talk of the day seemed to be the impending end of the great showbiz romance.

The best quote I heard today on this he said / she said situation, was in regards to Federlines quest for babies, cash and fees. John Larson in a report on NBC's Today suggested that Federline could be taking the advice of Bob Dylan, with his “when ain’t got nothing, you got nothing to lose.”.

This, if you think about it and considering Federline’s musical talent, is about the only comparison that ole K-Fed will ever share with Bob Dylan!

Perhaps he should look to a different Dylan song for inspiration, we suggest Everything is Broken as more appropriate to his current and future situations.

Gee, who ever saw this coming?

K-Fed is toast, the rather public unravelling of his uh, marriage to Britney Spears has come to an end. With Ms. Spears filing divorce papers today, to rid herself of the stone in her shoe aka Kevin Federline.

The always popular, "irreconcilable differences" was listed as the cause, yesterday the date given for the date of separation.

It would seem that the final bit of trouble in paradise, popped up when Ms. Spears laughed at K-Feds appearances at a number of World Wrestling Entertainment shows, (we kid you not)

We can now go about with our normal duties, no longer weighed down with the burden of hoping the two crazy kids could work it all out.

Though we are left to wonder what this will mean to his still incubating recording career?

Tick, tick, tick, that fifteen minutes must surely be up by now?

Loyola Hearn; marriage intervenor

Fans of Paul McCartney can apparently start sending the thank you cards to Newfoundland.

Loyola Hearn, the Minister of Fisheries and Oceans (and apparent marriage counsellor to the stars) says that he's partly responsible for the break up of the marriage of Sir Paul McCartney and Heather Mills.

The Minister says it was during a TV debate between the then somewhat happier couple and Newfoundland and Labrador Premier Danny Williams, that Sir Paul saw the true light about his Lady MacBeth.

At the time the McCartney's had spent time on an ice flow cavorting with the seals and telling Newfoundlanders and Canadians that while the hunt was something that had been going along for a long time, it now needed to be stopped. Kind of like a marriage that isn't working out so well, but we digress.

As Hearn tells the story, it was during that debate that McCartney saw a glimpse of the true colours of his now soon to be ex wife and didn't like what he saw.

The divorce proceedings have taken a rather nasty turn in the last few days, with accusations of overindulgence in alcohol, drug use and physical contact, so perhaps Loyola may want to put a bit of distance between himself and the story.

However, since he's brought up the issue of celebrity de-matchmaking, Beatle fans probably only have one question for him, "Where were you when John married Yoko?"